Thursday, May 5, 2011

A chafing problem.

Today we're headed off to some place to shop. The name has left my mind, probably because I speak English and I have short-term memory problems which means that I have this problem with memorizing Chinese words. It's quite tragic, it really is. I am more skilled in the area of directions which means that I can get myself to the subway station if necessary...which impresses me. I digress. We're going to eat lunch and head over to the subway to catch a ride to another part of Beijing for our shopping. After we have bought what our heart desires, we'll grab a cheap lunch and go back the theatre..or stage..stadium? auditorium? I don't know. We're going to that place where the orchestra played the other night to hear some guy named Peter play the piano. He's probably not any good. I might have to run up on the stage in the middle of it and just start playing to show the audience what real talent looks like. Just kidding. I'm sure he's great. And much better than me. Although I can play Kum-Ba-Ya. That takes some skill.

If you know that people with rabies have a fear of water and that we should all donate money to find a cure for this awful problem....you know what show we watched last night. And what episode. And that it is a fantastic episode.

Also. I have this awful problem that you should know about. It may even be worse than my memory problem. It is called "chafing." You should know that my thighs are larger than most. And that alot of my shorts have thick seams on them. The thick seams wouldn't be a problem if I had small legs. But I don't. So the fact that I have abnormally large thighs, put together with the fact that my shorts have thick seams, means that I have chafing on my legs. And it's terrible. And burns. And sometimes I have to waddle more than Danielle does. Which is sad...because she is pregnant and is supposed to waddle. Now...you may wonder why this problem didn't occur in America. The answer to that troubling question is that in America I sit. Alot. We Americans like to drive everywhere we go. We Chinese like to take public transportation. Ignore the fact that I just called myself Chinese..I like to think I am Chinese sometimes. So anyway...taking public transportation usually involves some walking also. The subway is about 10 minutes from our apartment and it's a nice little stroll. Until your legs start to chaff. Then it's not so nice anymore. I don't even know if this is the correct use of the word "chaff". But Danielle always tells me I have chafing so if this word doesn't make sense just imagine my red thighs with dry skin that are almost to the point of peeling. So the solution that I have come up with for this problem is to get in shape so that my thighs will shrink so that I will not have chafing. The only problem is that exercise entails walking and/or running. And when I walk and/or run my legs rub together. Causing more chafing. So my conclusion is that I get chafing from walking/running and the only way to get rid of this problem is to get more/worse chafing from walking/running. It's an endless and painful cycle, it really is. And I don't believe that my chafing will go away until I get back to America and become a lazy bum again. So until then....I will have large, red, dry thighs.

3 comments:

  1. I'm not sure that I can explain how hard I laughed upon reading this. You have talent. Truly.

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  2. Can you find any Chinese Vaseline? That would work faster than getting your thighs in shape. :)

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  3. You made my day!! Laughing hysterically this morning!

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