Monday, August 8, 2011

another diarrhea story. this time in a desert..


I have had a request from a dear friend that I post about my most recent diarrhea experience. Refer back to the last diarrhea post and read the disclaimer. Because uh...if you're not one for "crude humor"...whatever that really means...then you may not want to read this.

Here goes nothin.

As you may know, a few weeks ago I went with my youth group on a missions trip to a Navajo Indian reservation in Arizona. It was so much fun and although I was close to dead from jet lag, I still had a blast and somehow remained alive for the whole trip with no problems. Except one.

You see, last time that I went with my youth group to Arizona, we went out one night and laid on a mesa and looked at the stars. It's quite incredible, really. You can see so many stars out in the desert and you can even see the milky way galaxy. It's so great. So, being the incredible-experience-lover that I am, I suggested we go do this again.

Now let me interrupt the story to give an important piece of information: it just so happens that around this time alot of people on our team were getting some weird stomach thing and they were having loads of diarrhea, etc. Ok continuing with the story....

Our leaders agreed that it would be good, so we got in the vans and headed out to the mesa. We all sat there while Joseph played his guitar and we sang. My stomach started to feel pretty bad, but I just pushed the thought aside and tried not to notice it. Once we were done we all got up and began to head down the mesa. As we headed down, my stomach started to feel worse and worse and I realized that I needed to go to the bathroom pretty badly. And I didn't just need to urinate. So I continued walking, only to feel the need of a toilet rising. And rising. And rising.

And we all know that when you're trying to "hold it" walking never helps. It's best to just sit still, right? Yeah well I didn't have much of a choice seeing that it's midnight and I'm climbing down a mesa with 20 people behind me. I couldn't just stop, hold up traffic, and yell up to everyone that I did, in fact, need to use the bathroom and I needed to sit for a while. So I kept going.

Well, I reached the bottom of the mesa and realized that I could hold it no longer and I absolutely had to go. So I took off running (once again, not good for attempting to "hold it") to get behind a rock and go before it came out in my pants. And what happened on the way? You guessed it. I didn't make it to the rock, I didn't make it to where I could pull my pants down, I didn't make it at all.

So there I was, standing at the bottom of a mesa, with my shorts full of diarrhea, in the middle of the desert. With my entire youth group only a few feet away. It was great, it really was. So I ran over to one of the youth leaders, Mrs. Lisa, and a friend, Taylor. I proudly exclaimed, "I crapped my pants!!!" We all died laughing. I went back to the rock that I had originally intended to use as a toilet and I pulled down my pants, dumped all of the "waste" out of my pants and just stood there. Mrs. Lisa found a few tissues that I could use but it wasn't nearly enough. I then used a Walmart bag and Taylor's t-shirt to clean myself up. And Taylor, I will never be able to repay you for this incredibly kind deed that you did. Oh, and while all of this happened Mrs. Cindy continues to yell to the entire youth group that I crapped my pants. Thank you Mrs. Cindy, thank you.

Then I left my underwear there, along with the Walmart bag, which are probably still there today. I wrapped Constance's jacket around me and sat on Patrick's t-shirt in the van. I will also never be able to repay them for this. So there I sat, covered in...well never mind. And I think the poor boys in the seat behind me almost passed out from the smell. For this I apologize, Nick and Dane. I began to feel like I was about to throw up but thankfully made it home. My friends greeted me at the door with a towel and kindly led me to the bathroom. It was here that I finished my business on the toilet while Katelyn ever so graciously washed out my shorts in the sink. I still cannot believe she did this and will never forget her kind actions.

I got in the shower while Katelyn and Sarah stood there and talked to me, making sure I was ok, and bringing me clothes. I got dressed headed back to my bed and tried to go to sleep. When I needed to go to the bathroom that night, Katelyn kindly went with me, sat there while I used the toilet, and brought me a trash can when I thought I was going to throw up (which I never did). She convinced me that I should try to go to sleep, so I did. The next morning I slept in and felt pretty weak but after a couple of days I was back to normal.

The day after this lovely experience we had planned to go hike on a mesa. Perfect for a girl with stomach issues. (I made sure I took an extra pair of shorts, just in case.) As we drove in the vans, we passed the place where it all happened. I looked out the window, and there was the Walmart bag, sitting on the side of the mesa. I apologize to the poor Indian children who probably found it soon after, while playing.

Here I am the next day, with the wonderful kid that washed my shorts out:
(notice the backpack...which contained my extra change of clothes...)


My youth group is so kind to not hold this against me and completely shun me.

You have to agree, I've got the best friends a girl could have. And also the best diarrhea stories.

1 comment:

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