I'm at Josh and Danielle's living quarters for the night. This summer they've been living at the chapel house, like they usually do, which always works out quite nicely. Danielle's parents live super close to here, and since it's across the parking lot from where we go to church, it's very convenient to stop by. (In case you don't know my family very well, we pretty much live at our church.) Back to the point...I'm at their living quarters. This is the second time I've spent the night since we've been back to the US of A and that's not nearly enough. But it is so good to be here with them.
I miss life with them. Alot. It's weird not having Harvey there all the time. And it's very weird to have to share him. I'm not a fan of this...at all. Used to I could pretty much hold him whenever I wanted. If he wasn't eating and Josh wasn't holding him, I could have him. He was always there. People weren't constantly trying to hold him. He was "mine." I was his only family member outside of his parents. We had a special bond. But it makes me so sad to think that now he doesn't know my voice and that we don't have such a great connection. It almost brings me to tears.
Again, I'm getting off track. So being here is really nice. But it sort of does weird things to me. For example: I start to go into complete servant mode. While I was in China, I looked for ways to help out. Mom had to remind me often that the reason I was there was to help Danielle adjust to life with a 7-pound, fragile human. So that's what I tried to do. I looked for laundry that needed folding, cups to pick up, diapers to put in the trash can, onesies to put in the dirty clothes basket. That's just what I did. That was my life. And I liked it.
I'm not trying to brag on myself saying that I'm such a good person, I'm just saying, this is how my life went, and enjoyed every minute of it.
It makes me feel guilty that I'm not always in this servant mode. I should constantly be looking for ways to help others, not just when I'm with Josh, Danielle, and Harvey. When I was focused on this task, it was like I would go through the day and not even know how I looked. I didn't know if my hair looked like garbage or not. Why? Because I was thinking about washing the dishes and doing the laundry and not what I looked like. My brain didn't have "time" for me to think to look in the mirror. But the weird thing is...I didn't care. I didn't care that my hair probably looked a wreck. I didn't care that I should probably fix my makeup.
This is how I want to live my life. Where I'm so focused on being a servant to others that I'm not thinking about myself. Yeah, I'll make myself look presentable. But I want to not be obsessed with it.
You know, everyone's favorite girl is always the one who throws on their clothes and makeup and then helps everyone else get ready for whatever the occasion may be. The one who fixes herself up quickly and then assists everybody else by putting on their makeup, or straightening the back of their hair. Do you know that girl? I do. And I always think it's just the greatest thing.
I've got a long way to go. But that's what I'm aiming for. And being with Josh, Danielle, and Harvey brings out the best in me.
So even though I miss Harvey's adorable face, Josh's genius self, Danielle's funny comments, speaking in Chinese, learning how to cut random fruits, and finding out the meanings of long SAT words...I miss being a servant to them. And it will only get worse when they head back across the waters.
We've got roughly 3 weeks to go. And I'm absolutely dreading the day when I have to say goodbye.