No big deal, right? Everyone has dry skin. And the solution is put on some lotion, and you'll be good to go. Not this kid. This may be caused by one of two problems: my legs get so dry that lotion does nothing for them, or I don't ever get around to putting on lotion. Most people tell me, "Well, uh...don't you put on lotion after you get out of the shower?"...like this is some sort of common practice or something. Maybe it is, but back when I was 10 years old and learned to take a shower, they didn't teach me to put on lotion afterwards. (Is 10 the age for learning to take showers? Maybe I was 9. or 8 or 7. maybe 6. I don't know.)
I don't know what the issue is, but for the past few years as soon as it begins to gets cold (without fail) my skin freaks out. It's like it's never been in temperatures lower than 70 degrees before. My hands used to be super bad and look like dinosaur skin. And sometimes it still does. But it's so much easier to put lotion on your hands than your legs.
So currently my legs are disgusting, red, and dry. And I have a bad habit of scratching the fool out of them, which only makes it worse, I'm sure.
But dry skin is not my only leg problem. You see...Friday morning I shaved my leg in the shower. Notice "leg" is not plural. It was 6:45...I felt like death. I was not thinking straight. And I only shaved one leg. Somehow I went through the whole day without noticing until I touched my leg and was like, "good grief I shaved this morning..how is it this horrible already?" And then I touched the other leg and it was smooth.
When I noticed this, I was in the church van on the way to the youth rally. I hadn't taken a razor, because I hadn't planned on needing to shave. So the next morning, I got my friend to bring her razor to the youth rally and I shaved one leg in the women's bathroom using hand soap.
Never use hand soap when shaving. It doesn't work. As a result, I got razor burn. And boy did it burn. My legs looked like I had been attacked by a porcupine. It was horrid. Well, the afternoon rolled around and I tried not to think about it. That night I took a shower and noticed my leg (the one that I originally shaved) needed shaving. And the other one could use it too, since that morning I shaved in the bathroom sink at church, and I didn't do a great job.
Let me warn you. Never shave a leg that has razor burn.
It's like razor burn on top of razor burn. And it burns like hot balls of fire. I don't care how hairy your legs are, do not shave them. Find some pants to wear or something. Or just don't go out in public. I don't care. Do anything but shave razor burnt legs.
So now I have legs with extremely dry skin, red from scratching them, bumpy and painful from razor burn, and in need of a shave because there's no way I'm attempting shaving razor burnt legs again.