Wednesday, March 27, 2013

the (not so) martha stewart side of me.

Yesterday I went to the homeschool baseball game and if you have never been to a homeschool baseball game I strongly urge you to do so. Very entertaining. It was Patrick Bryant's birthday yesterday, who happens to play on the homeschool baseball team. Being the great friend that I am, I decided I should make some cupcakes in celebration.

Celebration of the birthday. Not the baseball game. Homeschool baseball games aren't usually worth celebrating...

You should know that I never have much luck with cooking. Never as in....never. Something always goes wrong. And when I told myself that I would make cupcakes I also told myself that something was going to go wrong. I guess you could say I'm some sort of prophetess. Boy, did something go wrong.

I grab a box cake mix out of the pantry. I know what you're in the world can a girl mess up a box cake mix? I don't know either.

I turn the oven on and begin mixing up the ingredients as directed on the box. I get to the part that says "3 egg whites" and have to Google images of egg whites because I never know which one is the white and which one is the yoke. I'm not Martha Stewart, yall. I separate my eggs nicely into a small bowl. I put one pan of cupcakes into the oven and start washing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen. I am on top of the world.

Mishap #1: I don't ever pour the nicely separated egg whites into the cake mix. No egg whites. I realize this after I have washed the dishes and had one pan in the oven.

I interrupt mishap #1 to bring you...

Mishap #2: I don't know how much dark blue food coloring I put in those cupcakes (going for team spirit) but they will not turn dark blue. After putting in drop after drop after drop I finally settle for light blue cupcakes.

Back to mishap #1: I think to myself, "Well I sure can't have cupcakes without egg whites," so I take the cute soccer ball cupcake papers (yes, I was going to a baseball game) out of the cupcake pan that hasn't been cooked yet and scrape the batter back into the bowl. I put the egg whites into the bowl, mix it up, and put the mix back into the cupcake pan.

THESE ARE CUPCAKES MADE FROM A BOX. I can't even make cupcakes out of a box for crying out loud.

I take out the first pan, put in the second. All is going fairly well. I taste them and they are alright...only the most moist cupcakes I have ever put in my mouth. Not sure if that has anything to do with the lack of egg whites, or what. Some cupcakes are like twice as tall as others, but that is a minor problem. I figure once I put icing on them they will all look fine.

I load up my cupcakes and hop in the car. The plan was to grab a can of icing at the store on the way to the game and then sit at the game with my friends and ice the cupcakes. Great plan, right? Wrong.

I'm feeling great and having a nice drive down Lawndale Drive when I see Target. Perfect. Target will have icing. I get into the parking lot, turn off the car, open the door to get out, go to grab my main trio - phone, keys, wallet - when I remember that...

Mishap #3: as of this morning my wallet has been temporarily misplaced.

I ask myself if any soul in Target would buy this poor girl who cannot even make cupcakes out of a box a can of icing. I just need one can of icing.

I turn the car back on and started driving, imagining this scenario: Emily - "I thought you were going to make cupcakes?" Me - "I did make cupcakes." Emily - "Where are they?" Me - "In my car." Emily - "Well go get them!" Me - "No one wants to eat them." Emily - "Why?" Me - "They have no icing. It's pretty much just light blue bread."

As I am driving down the road I remember that I have 2 dollars. Perfect. 2 dollars will buy me icing. I keep driving until I find a Walgreens. In hindsight, the most logical thing to do would have been to turn around and go back to Target, but then again, why would I ever do the logical thing.

Mishap #4: Walgreens has icing. That's not the mishap. The mishap is that their icing is $2.99. I slowly walk out past the employee who had pointed me to the icing, and look at her, hoping that she will ask if I found it, and upon my telling her that I don't have enough money to pay for it, she will be a Good Samaritan and pick up the extra dollar. Nope. Way too good to be true.

Back in the car. Food Lion. Perfect. No mishap at Food Lion. Walk straight to the icing aisle and buy that thing for $1.27. Life is good.

I drive to the school where the baseball game will be played and after going into, I don't know, twelve different parking lots, I find it.

Somewhere during the 6th inning I decide to ice these awesome cupcakes.

Mishap #5: A good five or six of these cupcakes are falling apart. I thought since they didn't have icing on them I didn't have to be careful with them in the car. I thought wrong.

The boys finish their game, they eat the cupcakes, and I think they actually like them. I don't think they appreciate all the hard work and bedlam that had gone into them, though.

Mishap #6: I leave the can of icing sitting in the open. Emily uses this as a good opportunity to spread a very large spoonful all over my face.

Told you I have bad luck with cooking.

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